Cabin Fever!!

Okay, so. You all know that I live in SOLA (South Louisiana) and it’s usually a mild, semi-tropical climate where the seasons are: Hot, Hot-as-Balls, Football, and Mardi Gras.

Not so much this week. This week it’s been C.O.L.D.!!  We had sleet last Friday, then an okay weekend, followed by sleet & some snow ALL FREAKING DAY yesterday. I have basically been home/ off work since LAST FRIDAY. I went to work for a few hours (2&1/2) Saturday but haven’t been back since.

I am slowly losing my mind. For reals…  I have done ALL the laundry, save what we currently have on our bodies. I have baked a batch of muffins and a batch of scones. The house is clean. My kitchen is  currently spotless. I’ve even washed the dog beds for fucks sake!!

I looked at TWH last night and said “I can’t remember the last time I shampooed my hair”. (Since I color my hair, I don’t shampoo it every day. Every 2-3 days usually does it for me. Rinse & condition. That’s it. Judge me if you like.)

Anyway, I used to read these FB posts by SAHM’s blatantly stating that they couldn’t remember the last time they’d showered/shampooed their hair/shaved their legs/whatever and I would think “Eeeewwwwww….”. Being relatively sure I bathed every day when the kids were little. (I may not have, who the hell knows anymore) I totally get it now though. You’re home, you’re in your comfy clothes, you may or may not currently be wearing the same yoga pants/leggings you’ve been wearing for the past three days. IT DOESN’T MATTER.  Everyone is still whole and breathing and you haven’t left the house this week anyway.

Having said that, as soon as it gets above freezing, Imma lace up my running shoes and go burn off some of the calories I’ve consumed (Cabin fever eat-a-thon, yo!!) along with some of this excess energy.

THEN I’ll shampoo my hair.


I’m Scarring TB For Life

Okay, so. Awhile back, we yanked out the shower in TB’s bathroom so we could put in a new tub & tile surround. We got about halfway done tiling when we hit Cancertown with my Mother-in-Law. In the interim, TB has been showering in our bathroom.

Tonight it got to be around 8:00 and I looked at TB and said “Go get a shower” This is what went down:

Me: Go get a shower.

TB: Awwwww…. WHY do I have to go get a shower NOW?!?!

Me: Because I’d like to get a shower in about an hour and you take for-ev-er.

TB: No I don’t!!

Me: Yes you DO. There’s your pre-shower dump, your use-all-the-hot-water shower, and the time it takes for the hot water tank to refill. By 9:00, I’ll get to take a lukewarm shower. Now GO.

TWH: You’re so mean.

Me: HOW/WHY am I MEAN!?!?

TWH: You just ARE. I din’t know how or WHY…

TB: (in his room) *gripe, grumble, groan*

Me: Never mind Boy. Take as long as you want in the shower. I wanted to go to bed early because I was thinking your Dad might get lucky. He just shot that all to hell.

TWH: Omigod Woman!! You’re gonna scar TB for LIFE!! Poor kid….

Me: *Giggle. Snort. Snerk*

Maybe I can be a little TOO honest sometimes…..



Boy Parts vs Girl Parts

Okay, so. TWH & I were taking our evening showers. I went first & was standing at the sink taking out my contacts, etc., when this conversation occurred.

TWH: Baby, could you go grab me a pair of underwear & put it on the counter so I don’t have to traipse through the house nekkid??  (Note: This is 10ish feet)

Me: Okay. Y’know, I’m just as nekkid. Do you think TB is supposed to be LESS traumatized by THAT if he see it?? (Note: Maybe we should just shut the damn door)

TWH: Maybe.

Me: How do you figure?? At least you two have the SAME parts.

TWH: I know I  would rather see a nekkid Woman who isn’t my Mother than a nekkid Man.
          And if I had to choose whether to see my Mom nekkid or my Dad nekkid, I’d rather go BLIND.

I think he hit upon a Universal Truth with that one.


My Vanity Knows No Bounds

Okay, so. This weekend, I cleaned out the cabinets & drawers in my bathroom. It started because TWH got water all over everything under his cabinet so I started pulling stuff out, drying it off, and throwing shit away. As with most projects like that, I can’t leave it half done. That and my side looked like an episode of Hoarders. Junk & mess everywhere.  I go through those cabinets and show no mercy. I throw out shit I haven’t used in months or am never gonna use.  You oughta see all the room I have in those cabinets & drawers now!!
I digress…
Today, I decide I’m going to bleach my teeth. I haven’t done it in awhile and the SPQ Parade (my own personal Christmas) is coming up in TEN DAYS(insert squeals of excitement & glee here) so I need to get my smile all prettified.  I go to my (newly tidied) cabinet & get out my bleach stuff. I open my (newly purged) drawer to get out my bleach trays and they’re GONE!!  G-O-N-E!!  Aaaaaauuuuugggghhhhh!!  I threw them out!!  Now I held them in my hand for a second as I was purging Saturday but for some reason I thought they were the clear retainers I’d gotten right after my braces came off so out they went.  I immediately dumped the garbage can in the bathroom out in the vain hope that they would be in ther but NOOOOOO.  They’re in the big garbage bag TWH threw out mid-purge. They’re out in the pollen & rain covered garbage can under the carport.
Where else would they be??
I ran outside, threw open the lid & dug through that can like a raccoon looking for some leftover chicken.
These are my BLEACH TRAYS people!!  I need this shit!! Not to mention that they’re not cheap, require a visit to the dentist for molds, and take two weeks to get here. I don’t have two weeks!!
I found them. Luckily they were in the bag that was on top. Right there in their little protective case. Which, thankfully, was still closed.
I ran inside, scrubbed everything with hot water, soap, toothpaste, peroxide, & rubbing alcohol then thoroughly dried it all.
Yes, I am using them. They’re in my face right now. Like I said, my vanity knows no bounds.


I Don’t Need to Know.

Okay, so.  I realize Facebook is a place for people to connect, or reconnect, or whatever but some of the shit folks share on here is absolutely appalling. For example, I, along with all the other super-lucky folks on their friends lists, got to watch a marriage implode. There were daily relationship status changes, pissy video postings, cryptic status updates that meant nothing to anyone but their soon-to-be- former spouse. I don’t even feel bad writing about it because it’s all there, in black and white, for the whole world to see.  (Side note: Going from “In a relationship” or “Married” to “It’s complicated” is for assholes and wussies. Just nut up and say you’re single already.) I’ve also seen someone else blow another person’s business all over their page. Really??  I don’t need to know this shit!!  P.S. What kind of friend does that make YOU that they tell you their tale of woe in confidence and YOU post it all over their page??  Feel better about your own life now??  I know it sounds like I’m bitching about FB as a whole. I’m not, really. I love FB. I’m as big a FB junkie as the next person. I will probably get “Un-friended” by the folks who see this and don’t appreciate my commentary. Oh. No. Wait. Come back…  Whatever.  I view that kind of like I viewed those crazy bitches on Springer who would go on National Television, air ALL their nasty business, then start screaming “You don’t know me!!  Why you all up in MY business anyways?!?!”.  Ummmmm… because you put it out there for me to comment on maybe??  I’m just guessing here…  I have been making GREAT use of the “Hide” button on my newsfeed. Maybe once all the  Wussies & whiners dump me, my news feed won’t be so fucking depressing.  BONUS!!