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Cabin Fever!!

Okay, so. You all know that I live in SOLA (South Louisiana) and it’s usually a mild, semi-tropical climate where the seasons are: Hot, Hot-as-Balls, Football, and Mardi Gras.

Not so much this week. This week it’s been C.O.L.D.!!  We had sleet last Friday, then an okay weekend, followed by sleet & some snow ALL FREAKING DAY yesterday. I have basically been home/ off work since LAST FRIDAY. I went to work for a few hours (2&1/2) Saturday but haven’t been back since.

I am slowly losing my mind. For reals…  I have done ALL the laundry, save what we currently have on our bodies. I have baked a batch of muffins and a batch of scones. The house is clean. My kitchen is  currently spotless. I’ve even washed the dog beds for fucks sake!!

I looked at TWH last night and said “I can’t remember the last time I shampooed my hair”. (Since I color my hair, I don’t shampoo it every day. Every 2-3 days usually does it for me. Rinse & condition. That’s it. Judge me if you like.)

Anyway, I used to read these FB posts by SAHM’s blatantly stating that they couldn’t remember the last time they’d showered/shampooed their hair/shaved their legs/whatever and I would think “Eeeewwwwww….”. Being relatively sure I bathed every day when the kids were little. (I may not have, who the hell knows anymore) I totally get it now though. You’re home, you’re in your comfy clothes, you may or may not currently be wearing the same yoga pants/leggings you’ve been wearing for the past three days. IT DOESN’T MATTER.  Everyone is still whole and breathing and you haven’t left the house this week anyway.

Having said that, as soon as it gets above freezing, Imma lace up my running shoes and go burn off some of the calories I’ve consumed (Cabin fever eat-a-thon, yo!!) along with some of this excess energy.

THEN I’ll shampoo my hair.

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Eff You, Facebook “Prove It” Status People

Okay, so. There I am innocently scrolling through my Facebook feed managing to ignore MOST of what’s thrown up there. The Political shit. The religious shit. Just most of the shit, when all of a sudden WHAM!! Perhaps one of the most offensive damn things I have ever encountered in the universe of the Faceyspace.

This. Shit. Right. Here.


What tha FUCK!?!!?

There is no way in HELL I think that my sharing or not sharing something says ANYDAMNTHING about who I am as a person and my belief system. However, I think it says a whole hell of a lot about the asshole who creates this shit and their personal mindset. “Leet’s see what kind of assoholic behavior I can exhibit today”. THAT”S what I think it says.

I realize I may be the LAST person who should chide anyone about what they choose to share due to the fact that I pretty much spew whatever stomps through my head all over this here blog and FB and Twitter but Dear Baby Jeebus!! Hows about a little motherfucking Common Sense!?!? Hows about before you hit the “Share” button, you ask yourself “Is this gonna make me look like an asshole or a complete Douchecanoe??” If the answer is “Douchecanoe” then DON’T!!! Asshole, you can live with. Douchecanoe?? Not so much.

 

I by the way, did NOT share the picture.  The PICTURE is adorable.  Those cheeks alone could keep me smiling for days. I mean, LOOK at ’em!!  The hateful words below it make me wanna puke.

 

Thus ends my rant.

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Facebook, Why Can’t I Quit You??

Okay, so. Facebook is both a source of amusement and the bane of existence for me.  It satisfies my voyeuristic tendencies by giving me glimpses into peoples lives and letting me stay somewhat connected with people. It is also the bane of my existence in that, in order to see the shit I actually WANT to see, I have to wade through a ton of crap NOBODY but the person who posted it gives a rats ass about. I don’t CARE that “The kids have done had their dinner & their baths and are in bed. It was a grate day. Binky BooBoo”.  Yes, this is a direct quote, misspelling & all. The exception being that this person posts in all caps. My fingers just ITCH to leave this woman a bitchy comment about caps lock & the spelling mistakes I see in her shitty posts. I also don’t CARE about “Just weighed in and lost 4.5 oz”. Really?!?!  Just fucking REALLY!!  Good for you that you’re addressing your downward slide into colossal fatassdom. A lot of us are. I myself have been letting the treadmill make me it’s bitch & just last night squeezed my ass into a pair of pants that have been hanging in my closet for awhile now. I’m just not BEATING EVERYONE OVER THE HEAD WITH IT. I do not now, nor have I ever needed a play-by-play of Every. Single. Ounce that comes off your ass.  Also I don’t care that you “Just completed a 3.7 mile run using (Whatever) tracker”. Again, STOP!! Other things I don’t give a shit about:
What you’re having for dinner. I can’t cook a lick. My kids asked me to stop years ago. I’m sure this is borne of jealousy. Whatever. Stop it.
Anything that ends with “FML”. I had several folks in my timeline whose posts were nothing but whining about the pettiest bullshit ever known.  Get over yourselves already. Stop it.
What you’ve Pinned. Holy shitballs with this one!!  There are bitches on my timeline who posted everydamnthingeverdone to Facebook. Shoot me. Shoot me now. You’re on Pinterest. You think you’re crafty. Whoopdee Fucking Doo. Stop it.
There are a myriad of things about Facebook that drive me nuts. Having said that, I just can’t quit it. Not yet anyway. I follow some damned funny people. Of course, some of the damned funny people are not trying to be funny. There’s this one girl I knew in high school who is so small-town that she & her family actually packed SQUEEZE CHEESE into their carry-on luggage for a flight and she was posting all indignant like about them having to throw it all out in the airport because it was on the “NO-NO” list.  That’s comedy gold!!  Yes, other peoples asshattery makes me giggle. When people stop being stupid, or at least stop posting their stupidity for everyone to see, I’ll be forced to stop. Until then, I’m a total junkie!! I’m a junkie with the ability to opt out of the bullshit. I’m more than happy to do that!!

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I Don’t Need to Know.

Okay, so.  I realize Facebook is a place for people to connect, or reconnect, or whatever but some of the shit folks share on here is absolutely appalling. For example, I, along with all the other super-lucky folks on their friends lists, got to watch a marriage implode. There were daily relationship status changes, pissy video postings, cryptic status updates that meant nothing to anyone but their soon-to-be- former spouse. I don’t even feel bad writing about it because it’s all there, in black and white, for the whole world to see.  (Side note: Going from “In a relationship” or “Married” to “It’s complicated” is for assholes and wussies. Just nut up and say you’re single already.) I’ve also seen someone else blow another person’s business all over their page. Really??  I don’t need to know this shit!!  P.S. What kind of friend does that make YOU that they tell you their tale of woe in confidence and YOU post it all over their page??  Feel better about your own life now??  I know it sounds like I’m bitching about FB as a whole. I’m not, really. I love FB. I’m as big a FB junkie as the next person. I will probably get “Un-friended” by the folks who see this and don’t appreciate my commentary. Oh. No. Wait. Come back…  Whatever.  I view that kind of like I viewed those crazy bitches on Springer who would go on National Television, air ALL their nasty business, then start screaming “You don’t know me!!  Why you all up in MY business anyways?!?!”.  Ummmmm… because you put it out there for me to comment on maybe??  I’m just guessing here…  I have been making GREAT use of the “Hide” button on my newsfeed. Maybe once all the  Wussies & whiners dump me, my news feed won’t be so fucking depressing.  BONUS!!

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These Are the People in Your Neighborhood…

Okay, so. If you follow me on Twitter or FB (pretty much ALL of you), then you know I’ve started a new photo series titled Scenes From Tha Redneckhood.  So far, I’ve captured a football goal in someone’s backyard, and a horse eating grass in someone’s front yard. This is in MY ACTUAL NEIGHBORHOOD PEOPLE!!  What I have yet to be able to capture is the Sanford & Son folks just up the block, the little nekkid children playing in a ditch unsupervised, or the folks who ride up & down the street on a little pink Vespa with a toddler in their lap. As I type this, I am listening to the offensively loud bass of the music coming from the people who live behind me.  They are apparently allowing their teenagers to have a party. Complete with a bonfire. Did I mention this bonfire is right next to a TRAILER??  Which will go up like kindling.  AND there are trampolines!!  Yep. The stupidity hat trick.  TWH & I have money on how long it will be until the sheriff/fire department/EMS will show up.  These are the people in MY neighborhood…

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Oh NEVER MIND!!!

Okay, so. I have discovered Twitter. I know, It’s been around FOR-EVER but I just now really started messing with it. And it’s like Word Crack. I linked it to my FB and now I can put whatever stomps through my head out there almost IMMEDIATELY. This may not be the best idea….but it’s too late now. I am not about to undo it. I figure if people don’t like it, they can just skip over it. Or leave me rude comments. Whatever. However, some of my clients have come in and questioned me about my posts lately. Most of them just repeat whatever I put out there, and either laugh & shake their heads or just tell me “You’re NOT RIGHT”. I am well aware that I’m “Not Right”. I have embraced my Not Right-ness and am happy with it. Some clients, however, want me to explain a post that MOST people (with a brain) thought was snarky, funny, or both. I have tried to explain these, on occasion, only to be met with a blank stare. Or, God Forbid, questions asked in earnest that there’s no way in HELL I can begin to answer. I usually just end with a frustrated “Oh, just, NEVER MIND!!” and relegate them to the “Doesn’t Get It” file. Like they say “If you have to ASK”…

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I’m new here

Okay, so.  I’ve started a blog. Wheeeeeeeee!!  I have NO IDEA what I’m doing. I like to tell stories from my job (I’m a Barber) on FB but there’s not always enough room to discuss the day’s stupidity. Hence, the Blog. I kinda thought this would be a good way to do it. Honestly, all this blank space is sort of intimidating.  I’m typically snarky with a little unmedicated ADD thrown in for good measure and a CRAZY BAD potty mouth and virtually NO filter between the brain & the mouth. I’m not sure how that will translate…  Anyways, so now I’m a member of the blogosphere. YAY!!

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