Okay, so. TWH and I go into Walgreen’s to get me some more allergy medicine (because we live in South LA and I’m allergic to everything). I had wandered down the paper goods aisle to see if they had some cutesy Christmas Ziploc bags when I looked up and over a couple of aisles. THEN I SAW IT. The object I had been coveting in other people’s windows for YEARS. The Leg Lamp. Now in all honestly, I first saw this little 20 inch tall version and as I was gasping and pointing, I looked to the right and saw the Leg Lamp Motherlode!! 3 feet of beautiful, fishnet clad, stiletto wearing, leg shaped beauty. I run over to the aisle in awe and wonderment telling TWH “I NEED IT”. TWH looked around for one that was not on display, doesn’t see a box and declares “Well, that’s the only one. I guess you don’t need it after all”. I had other ideas. That lamp was going home with me, dammit. The following are the conversations between me, TWH, the poor employee I roped into my quest, and (I think) the store manager:
Me: I NEED IT
TWH: They don’t HAVE ANOTHER ONE
Me: They have the DISPLAY ONE. I can buy THAT ONE!!
TWH: They won’t sell you that.
Me: The hell they won’t.
At this point, I walk over to a checkout counter where I wait (im) patiently for the elderly woman in front of me to finish her transaction. When she (finally) leaves, I walk up to the counter.
Me: I need that leg lamp. The BIG ONE!! I NEED IT!!
Now, at this point, I’m shaking like a small dog who needs to be sedated.
Checker Guy: (Laughs-maybe nervously) Okay, let me see if I can find a box for you and get it down
He wanders (runs) off to the back while I go to stand guard over my lamp because at this point some guy who can’t REALLY love this lamp the way I can is eyeballing it and I had to go run him off.
TWH: Is there even a price tag for it. (Looks around) Oh my GOD!! The LITTLE one is 30 DOLLARS?? How much is the big one gonna cost??
Me: I DON’T CARE!! I NEED IT!!
TWH: We’re taking this home no matter how much it costs aren’t we??
Checker Guy comes back with a ladder. He climbs up to the top shelf where my lamp lives. He unplugs it and climbs down. I show great self-restraint by not snatching it from him, clutching it to my chest, and whispering “My Precious” while stroking it lovingly.
Checker Guy: It doesn’t have a price tag OR a box but since it’s a display item, we can probably give you a discount.
Me: (To TWH) See, we’re getting a discount.
We go to the photo counter with Checker Guy. He looks it up, than names a 3 digit price that makes TWH sigh in resignation as he swipes the card. I am doing a happy dance and giggling like a maniac. I just won the Christmas Decoration Lottery!! The store manager comes out and actually CONGRATULATES me on my purchase.
Manager Lady: Congratulations!! I’m glad to know it’s going to a good home. Take care of it, it’s a Major Award and it’s Fragilay!!
Me: Thank you!! I love it so much!! I will take EXCELLENT care of it!!
I take my prize out to the car and lovingly place it where I know it will survive the ride home.
TWH: I’m not even gonna go online and find out how much less I could’ve gotten this for. I can’t believe we paid for this thing.
Me: It’s a gift from the Universe!! And you didn’t pay that much for the Leg Lamp. You paid that much for my JOY!! Look at the JOY!!!
TWH: We overpaid. It’s times like this I actually miss being poor. Merry Effin’ Christmas.
We drove home and I put my Major Award in my living room. Sadly, unless I move the tree, I have no window to display it in. Next year though, I’m finding it a window. Maybe I can re-arrange TB’s room…
My Lamp in the store.
How could anyone NOT see the JOY here??