The Boy Is Trying Me

Okay, so. TB is a gamer. He has some buddies that he interacts with online in the games he plays. As with any group of kids, there is one I find objectionable. I tolerate him because A) TB is old enough to cut people out of his social circle if he deems them unworthy and B) Telling him to cut this kid out will, of course, make him all the more fun to play with over the interwebs.

So I just let it be. However, there are days, like today where I would have happily drop-kicked that little shit.

Because whenever TB finds something I told him to do not to his liking, he acts JUST like this kid. It’s rare, but he did it tonight.

Me: Shower.

TB: Can’t I play until 9:30??

Me: No. Shower.
(Note: TB getting a shower is a 30-45 minute process because it includes a 20 minute pre-shower constitutional so I’m pretty firm on the 9PM shower since lights out is at 10 and we like him to read some before then)

TB: BUT…..

Me: Now.

TB: Gaaaauuuuuuhhhhhhhnnnnnggggg (with leg-shaking added for dramatic effect)

Me: Employing MOMMY DEATH GLARE OF DOOM… Get. A. Shower.

TB: (To his fellow gamers) Uuuuhhhh…. I gotta go.

Me: Excellent choice Sir!!

I have perfected the MOMMY DEATH GLARE OF DOOM. I just stand still, narrow my etes, lean forward ever so slightly, set my jaw, and raise one eyebrow. My kids have been conditioned over the years to see the MDGOD and know that they had best get their asses in line OR ELSE.

Mommy’s next trick after that is to completely lose her shit. Don’t nobody wanna see THAT!!

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I’m here!!

I did it. I successfully imported all my crap & am off Blogger. Now, my question is, do I just ditch the Blogger account or be lazy and keep it just so I can keep up with the blogs I’m already following and give my followers (all 51 of them) a chance to follow me over??
Really, any advice is appreciated.

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I’m Moving!!!

Okay, so.  I learned a few things this weekend at Non-Con.  One of them is that I REALLY need to find another hosting site so I’m going to be switching over to mouthybarbermom.com.  Hopefully, things will go smoothly and all my stuff will import properly.

I’ll be sure to let you know when the new site is up & running.

Wish me luck!!

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Non-Con (or How I Discovered I’m Not a Total Dork)

Okay, so.  I SURVIVED NON-CON!!  I didn’t exactly take it by storm but I survived and I met some incredible people. People who took me in, took me under their wing, and made me part of their tribe. The incredible Don’t Speak Whinese even let me take business cards out of her cleavage with my teeth.  See??  My tribe!!

This wasn’t the easiest thing I’ve ever done.  I talked before about how I never, EVER go anywhere by myself. I’ll admit it, I like having a security blanket person with me.  Someone to walk into a room with me so I’m not walking into a room alone.

I didn’t have that person with me at Non-Con.  I had myself, a cute dress, and some sparkly shoes.  They almost weren’t enough.

Friday was day one of the convention.  I went down to breakfast and talked to the people at my table. I then went back up to my room to take some medicine and brush my teeth before I headed down to the roundtables.

My first foray into the conference room was very nearly my undoing.  I walked in. I was late. All the tables were full.  SHIT!!

So I fled.  I fled back to the safety of my room and my laptop.  I pulled up my e-mail and sent TWH the following message:

“I don’t know what I’m doing here.  This was a bad idea. I’ve made a mistake and should just come home.”

I did all this while weeping in both fear and frustration.  Fortunately, it didn’t send.

I eventually pulled myself together, re-did my mascara, put on my big-girl panties, got over myself and went downstairs. I got a cup of coffee and sat down at a table by myself. Partly because I was raised not to interrupt and partly because I was no where ready to engage.  The awesome Anissa came over to me and started talking to me as I sipped my coffee.  She somehow managed to keep me in the room until someone at the closest roundtable looked at me and said “Get over here woman!!” as she scooched her chair over to make room.

My time  at Non-Con had begun.

I had the most incredible time once I took a breath, let my guard down, and ENGAGED.

These people were kind, funny, smart, and encouraging. They got the whole thing in a way that members of the non-blogging community don’t.  Like I said, I found my tribe.

And I can’t wait for the next opportunity to get together with them.

I’m gonna be all over it.

*Thank you to all the awesome people at Non-Con who showed me that being who I am is enough.

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Hello world!

Welcome to WordPress. This is your first post. Edit or delete it, then start blogging!

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TB is a Jeff Dunham fan

Okay, so. We’re watching crap on the DVR.  Real TV is still on ESPN because TWH watched LSU beat South Carolina last night.  Anyway, we are in between shows and ESPN is playing NASCAR.

TB looks up from whatever he’s doing on his phone and says “Oooooooooo….. Racing”. Then, in a true geeky moment he quotes Bubba J.  “They’re making a left turrrrrrn!!”

Yep, we love us a grown man playing with puppets in this house.

TWH one day hopes to be as grumpy and assoholic as Walter one day.

He’s dreaming big guys.  Dreaming. Big.

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This One Time, I Made Dinner

Okay, so.  I don’t cook.  I don’t cook because my children actually asked me to STOP cooking.  TWH is a brilliant cook.  He enjoys it. I HATE it. I suck at it.

Unless it’s a casserole.  I ROCK the oven and all things that can be made in it.  The oven is where I rule.

But yesterday…  Yesterday, I made dinner.  From scratch.  And to quote an apron I saw yesterday in the kitchen store, “Hardly anyone got sick”.  Really No one got sick.  It was edible.  Like go-in-for-seconds edible.

I made cheese soup.  Yesterday we had out first official “Fall” day.  It put me in the mood for soup.  We were heading to the store and I looked up a recipe for cheese soup on my phone, bought all the ingredients, came home, chopped stuff up (TWH helped), put it all in the pot, followed the directions, and MADE SOUP.   I. Made. The. Best. Soup. EV-ER!!

And I’m totally having the leftovers for lunch.

Because I can.

And I don’t want anyone else to eat it.

I’m kinda selfish like that.

One day, I might be able to rock the stove as well as the oven.

Maybe…

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My Birthday Purse

Okay, so. Last weekend was my birthday. We were travelling so we didn’t really do anything.  We celebrated this weekend instead.  We went out to dinner last night then saw The Importance of Being Earnest.  Today TWH took me to get my birthday present.  When he asked me ( all FOUR times) what I wanted for my birthday, I told him “A new Coach Purse”.  I had one I’d bought last year that looked like this:

And I managed to cram it FULL of THIS:

So today we went down to the Coach Outlet (because I’m not willing to pay full price) and I picked one out.   It’s a good size & has a ton of pockets.

Aaaaaaaannnnnndddd…. I bought a Diaper Bag.  Yep, you read that right. My brand new full of awesome purse turned out to be a fancy, schmancy, diaper bag.  My first clue was THIS:

A CHANGING PAD!!!  There was a changing pad in my new purse!!  That coupled with the weirdly unfashionable shoulder strap you see hanging out of the bag led me to look more closely at my new purse.  See those pockets in the picture above??  They’re for BOTTLES!!  There’s also a pocket for my cell phone, and other pockets for crap like wipes and a change of clothes.

Did I care??  HELL NO!!  My new purse IS full of awesome!!  It’s big & has a shit-ton of pockets for all my stuff.  I LOVE to have an organized purse.  A pocket for everything & everything in it’s pocket.

The best part is, I still have extra pockets!!  I can cram more crap into it!!  With my trips to Non-Con & Virginia coming up, that’s gonna be a huge bonus!!

I’m gonna rock my diaper purse like a BOSS!! Like. A. Boss!!

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Me & ECB

Okay, so. Next month I’m hopping on a plane to Virginia for my East Coast Bestie’s XXth (redacted to protect my ass) birthday.  Why??  Because she sent me a text message asking me to.  I’d actually been thinking about flying up & surprising her anyway.  It’s been a couple of years since we’ve seen each other & we need some face-to-face.

This woman has been my friend for 20 years now.  We’ve been friends this long despite distance because I can do things like text her the link to The Bloggess’ latest post and she GETS it.  I don’t get any questions. There’s no lengthy discussion, just “Yeah, I think I’d have to pass on that”.  Then when I text her back with “It does NOT seem full of awesome”.  She responds simply “No awesome at all”.

Yes, in 20 years, there have been arguments.  We’d go months without speaking then one of us would call the other one up and be all “What’s up Sugartits??” and things would be fine.  Now, thanks to smartphones, we can just send each other ecards and memes with gratuitous use of the word “Fuck” and everything will be okay.   We’re awesome like that.  And kinda lazy & vain. Holding grudges causes wrinkles people!! And it’s WORK.  We avoid WORK as much as possible.  Mostly because it’s hard & distracts us from the important things in life. Families, shoes, purses, coffee, & wine. Not necessarily in that order.

ECB has seen me through TWO divorces, TWO weddings, THREE childbirths, several moves, Miss A moving away, The Darkness, and trivial bitching when necessary.  She has always been forthright in her opinions. Never shying away from what really needed to be said. She has also been the first person to tell me “I hate him/her!!  I hope he/she DIES!!”.  She’d also be right there helping me plan their demise, if necessary.

ECB & I got off to a rocky start but that woman has my back any day of the week, no matter where in the world she is. She’ll cut a bitch.

And THAT’S why I love her.

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