Okay, so. TWH & I were in the car earlier discussing things like birthdays & I realized I’m struggling with my 40’s. Turning 40 wasn’t that big a deal. It was just another day. Just another year. Now?? Now every passing year brings me closer to 50. Closer to some major life changes and I’m not sure how to deal with it all.
This fall, Miss A will be a Senior and TB will be a Freshman. By the time I am 45, TB will be graduating High School. That scares the hell out of me. I have been a mother my entire adult life. My ENTIRE adult life. I was pregnant with my oldest daughter when I turned 21. For 20 years now I have been growing life or guiding other lives. Who in the hell will I be when TB leaves the nest?? I don’t quite know how to separate myself from the identity I have had for so long. I’ll have to learn more about how to be my own person. How to exist with just TWH & The Dawg.
This all makes me very sad & anxious. For the first time since I became a mother, I am afraid of what the future holds. I’m afraid because I. AM. Not. Ready.
Of course, to paraphrase the exhilarating & horrifying phrase from the game Hide & Seek: Ready or Not… Here It Comes…