Okay, so. As you all know. We got shoved into Cancertown this weekend. Totally against our will and looking kinda shell shocked. It was a long, Love-Filled, Fambly-filled, Sad, Scary, Laughter-filled, Exhausting weekend and we’re home for now. Whether it’s for a few days or until the weekend we don’t know yet.
I’m sitting in my living room with a stress pimple eating the side of my face, in sweats I picked up off the floor of my closet this morning watching Maroon 5 Takeover (Adam Levine is pretty) and thinking about what I have to say this morning.
It ain’t much. I’m exhausted and just trying to keep up with life at this point.
However, I DO have a Miss A story for you. It’s one of my favorite Miss A stories and I tell it A LOT.
Wanna hear it?? Here it goes….
I’m a swearer. I swear A LOT. Every swear word my kids know, they learned from me. Probably in the car going up & down I-12 in Baton Rouge. I swear, these folks drive with their heads wedged firmly up their asses.
Anyway, one day we’re all in the car going merrily on our way to who-knows-where. Miss A was about 3 at the time and was a sponge. She absorbed EVERYTHING. Y’know, like little kids do. So we’re tooling along when some asshat comes out of nowhere and changes lanes without looking or signalling causing TWH to slam on the brakes because the guy was trying to change lanes where we were currently driving. I yelled out “OH!! You SCHMUCK!!” as we continued on our way unscathed. From the backseat, Miss A pipes up: “Mommy!! You know what you forgot to call him??”
I cringed. I had NO idea what was about to come out of my sweet baby’s mouth. I said “No Baby. What??”
Miss A says “A JERK!!”
WHEW!! She said JERK!! I dodged a bullet there!! Relief washes over me. “Yes baby. He’s a Jerk.”
Miss A, however, is not QUITE finished with her assessment of the offensive drivers character. “Mommy!! You know what ELSE you forgot to call him??”
I’m thinking I’m in the clear at this point and am feeling pretty awesome. I ask innocently “No Doodle. What ELSE did I for get to call him??”
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh…. Y’all. I was SO naieve.
Miss A replies with all the gusto a 3 year old sitting in her car seat clutching a teddy bear can muster “A FUCKING ASSHOLE!!”
I realize, at this point that I will NEVER be Mother of the Year. Partly because my 3 year old just said “Fuck”.
And partly because I was laughing so hard I got a cramp and had tears streaming down my face.
Mother of the Year is overrated anyways.